Down

Times are bad.

I have no money. Due to some errors with my bank account, I'm almost negative $500. I have $2000 in bills due NOW...actually, yesterday. Rent, car insurance, car payment, electricity, cellphone, etc. To say I have no money for food nor to put gas in my car is an understatement. I'm lucky I have a semi-fresh loaf of bread here & peanut butter & jelly. I can live on that for a while.

I don't understand what's going on--or NOT going on--with this site. My webmaster tells me I'm getting close to 2000 visitors to my site a month. 2000! If 2000 people agreed to donate $1 a month--just one freakin' dollar each, even *I* can afford $1 a month to help someone--that would be a huge help. My job isn't cutting it, & I am sometimes working 6-7 days a week. Everyone helpfully suggests I get a second job, and I have picked up applications, but I really can't. My neuro docs have told me that with less than 8 hours of sleep a night, I can have a seizure. All this seizure crap has me totally paranoid, & I'm a terrible worrywart to begin with. From dancing for 34 years, I have a bad knee, a bad ankle, & a HORRIBLY painful hip. I can't dance all day & then go to some sort of crummy night job where I have to stand all night. I'd never survive. And most importantly, when would I sleep? I know, aside from seizures, that my health in general doesn't do well with lack of sleep. I've never had a strong immune system.

And boy, my stress level isn't helping at all.

I have to survive this struggle for 7+ more months. My best friend is moving in in June. I'm not thrilled at the aspect of having someone around all the time, but if it's got to be anyone, it needs to be her. And I need the rent cut in half. And utilities. Somewhere around that same time, I might be done paying off my car.....my car that needs $1200 in repairs to function & has to last me indefinitely. That would be a MASSIVE burden off my monthly shoulders. $350/mo. It's killing me. It didn't get paid yet this month. Yep, they could take it. And then I'm really screwed. I cannot work without a car, & I certainly wouldn't be able to go on all those auditions that I am SURE I will eventually get. Not to mention how much damn money I have put into that car just to lose it. Despite needing the repairs, it's the best car I've ever had. Beat up & battered, but great. It took 113K miles to need such repairs. That's impressive.

I need money to continue pursuing this dream. No, not money to spend frivilously. To SURVIVE. Right now, I would consider money going to rent, cellphone, car, and gas career necessities. I'm not going to get cast in anything if I'm homeless. Can't work at all without a car. I need money to get new headshots made, since I've changed my hair. My friend Mark will take them for free, but I still have to have them printed up AND pay postage to submit them to agents & casting directors. I'm not going to get any further in this field without an agent. I've got a great smile, I could be doing toothpaste commercials right now! There's so many things I *could* be doing right now. I'm not a beauty, but I'm not too shabby. I'm not Meryl Streep, but I'm not too shabby. I CAN MAKE IT!

Why doesn't anyone believe in me? Why doesn't anyone want to help me?

People gave $20K+ to that lady to pay off her frivilous credit card bills. Basically, they bought her a new wardrobe & CDs, etc.

I'm asking for people to help me achieve a lifelong dream. To be part of a dream coming true. To know they helped someone out who was severely struggling. Yes, I understand there are better causes than me. Heck, maybe people are viewing my site, then going to my links page, & donating to cancer or seizure research or to help animals. That would be great. But would $1 a month harm most people's pocketbook?

Forget money, why aren't agents, casting directors, people with connections in the business helping me? There have to be such people reading this site or hearing about it. Throw a sista a bone, call me in for a reading, sign me, etc. Agree to train me! Help me out!

What I find most depressing is what people will do to help in other ways, other causes.

People will spend hundreds, thousands on porn. People will pay $30/mo or more to join porn/camgirl sites. $30/mo to watch a girl naked. People will donate money to buy strangers a stripper pole. Really sweet sentiment, no denying that. But I'm pursuing a dream here! Granted, you won't get to see my naked, won't get to see my writhe on a stripper pole, won't get to see me having sex, but come on......is someone's worthy dream not a good cause, too? If you can afford to spend $30/mo on porn, you can afford to donate $1/mo to this site. If I put up a site where I had cams installed around my house, got naked on camera, showered on cam, etc....I could raise more money than THIS site which is trying for something legit. I don't get people. I don't get their priorities. It's more important to see a strange girl naked than to help a strange girl reach a dream and MAYBE do some good in the world? I'm going to make the world better!

You'll never see me in a rehab. I don't do drugs nor drink, & never will. Fame/fortune won't ever change that. The charities I will be able to help with success....not just with monetary donations, but by putting a famous face to the cause.

But no one wants to help me because I'm not taking off my clothes on this site. Because they don't "get anything" out of helping me. I don't "get anything" out of donating to the Humane Society, but I donate anyway, because it makes me feel good to help. I'm not directly getting anything out of donating to MS or seizure research, but I do what I can to help, anyway. Aren't there any people out there like me, who do things for nothing, just because it feels good to help?

If you aren't sure where the money is going, if you question this site, then go buy one of my t-shirts & publicize the site. Do SOMETHING to help me.

I'm losing hope. Quickly. And I'm about to lose electricity, my car, my home, etc.

Eternal gratitude to any of those who HAVE donated, EVERYTHING helps. I have yet to spend anything donated, but once I get new pics taken, I might use some money donated to get the new headshots printed up. I also, truly, appreciate those who cannot afford to donate, but who write in support. It means a lot to me to hear from any of you.

Donation!

I'm so stoked right now! I'm beside myself!

I got my first real donation today! Not to diminish any of the donations I've gotten--cause ALL are appreciated--but by "real;" I mean from someone I don't know. You kinda expect or hope that your friends will donate, but when a stranger does, it just touches your heart. I'm gonna be in trouble if I end up knowing the guy, but I don't recognize the name. $100 from a generous soul named Todd! I can't believe it! That's enough money to pay to have new headshots printed up! I'm stunned! I was a good girl, too, & immediately put the money in my "sharing a dream" fund, even though I am behind on tons of bills & could have used it for bills....but I didn't. I put it in the fund it was meant for. I'm not known for my wisdom with money, so yeah, that's actually a big deal for me. But I want this site to work! I want strangers to help me reach my dream! I KNOW it's possible! I know that with the help of strangers, I can finally make it! I hope this is the first of many donations, & that this site is finally going to take off!

Thank you Mr. Wonderful, Todd! I truly, truly appreciate your very generous donation! :-D

Frustration!

I haven't updated in a while.

I haven't had anything to report.

To date, I have gotten donations of about $30, not enough to even get headshots printed up.

A couple of days ago, I had a guy email me just to say, "Sounds like just another scam to me." What is the scam, dude? You give me money, I buy new clothes? I have pictures of me from movies, I have an article from a magazine I was in (about a movie I am in), and you can look me up on google or imdb.com. It's blatantly obvious, unless you are an idiot, that I am a real person with a very real dream, struggling just like everyone else in this crazy world.

I had such hopes for this site. I am very surprised that so many people stop by & look at this site, & almost no one donates. Not even one friggin dollar. And then I think back to that lady who got complete strangers to donate like $20,000 for her credit card debt....and no one will donate one friggin' dollar to help someone achieve a dream...someone who plans to do good things in the world.

It's really frustrating.

"Georgia Rule" came & left. I don't think I remained in the film. I think that's lame--while understanding the business--because I was in the magazine as a character in the film, & then was cut out of the film....and it cut all of, what, 10 seconds off the movie? Lame. PLUS, the director's adorable granddaughter was in the scene with me. Now, I admit, I don't know for sure that I ended up on the cutting room floor, but a friend went to see it, was looking for me, had seen pics, & didn't see me. I was also, not gonna lie, extremely disappointed that my name wasn't put in the credits. I saw people who had smaller roles than me (if that's possible) in the credits. There was like, "woman on crutches." But no "Potato Queen." Very disappointing. Especially considering that my lines were ALSO cut out of "PD1," & yet my name remained in the credits. I guess if I was cut out completely it makes more sense.

Don't mind me, I'm just bitter. I'm grateful for the one day role I had. I had fun that day, & it was so cool being a beauty queen, since I am not exactly a beauty queen! Every girl likes to wear a tiara. I'm most grateful for the money I made that day. I was painfull struggling at the time, so it was a great relief.

I just wish this career would move forward. I need new headshots...which I actually had taken, but can't spare the money to print them up. I can't afford classes. I can't afford jack poop.

I just remain stunned & saddened that people will help a woman pay off her credit card debt from buying frivilous things, & no one will donate to someone struggling to achieve a dream & bring positive things to the world. It doesn't make sense in my head.

But then, I've always been different. *shrug*

excitement!

I was waiting for Amber at the airport, when I saw someone I thought I recognized someone. I went back and forth as to whether it was really her or not.

Well, it was! And I was super excited! It was someone who was a total inspiration to me in this business.

Guess who it was?

Guess!

Debbie frickin Reynolds! Holy cow! I kid you not! Ohmigosh! I grew up watching "Singin in the Rain.". She's one of the reasons I wanted this career! She IS the original "triple threat.". She's phenomenal!

So I walk up, calmly, as to not attract unwanted attention to her. I said, "I love your work!". She thanked me, and I said I was a struggling actress, and she said, "It's a tough business!". I said, "Yes, m'am, it is, but you were my inspiration.". I kinda sensed she wanted to be left alone, so I finished up with, "Thank you for the honor of allowing us to enjoy your talent.". She smiled and thanked me again, and I left her alone. She is still lovely and spectacular, she just seemed a bit tired (aren't we all, after a day of flying!) and frail. She was using a crutch, so I guess she was injured.

It seemed sad to me that more people seemed to recognize DL Hughley than the iconic Debbie Reynolds. Either that or people in Burbank are jaded when they are celebs, and people in the South get all excited. I understand that DL is current and Debbie is old school. But everyone should know Ms. Reynolds! She's an icon! She's a goddess! She's brilliant! Hellooo? She wasn't exactly from MY generation, either, but damn straight I know who she is! It just made me sad that I seemed to be the only person to acknowledge her. But maybe I was just the only person geeky enough to approach her! When I got in the car, I told Amber, "Don't look now, but that woman behind me is Debbie Reynolds!". As we pulled away from the curb, she looked at me again, and I waved goodbye, and she waved back! That just made my month! What a wonderful moment for a girl like me!

excitement!

I'm stuck in the Dallas airport. My flight was delayed in AL, and then I had a decent sized layover here, then they moved our gate, and now we are delayed. *sigh*

I'm looking forward to getting back and getting to losing weight. I am tired of being chubby. I detest my muffin top. I am inspired by my sister's weight loss. I never thought I'd see her thin, she was always bigger than me, and here she is, a size 4. I'm far from a 4. A size 4 would be a dream come true for me, but heck, that's still prolly too big for Hollywood. I gotta get to it. I need to lose weight before I take new headshots.

Saw DL Hughley at the Bham airport. Gave him my sharingadream.com biz card. I hope he wasn't offended by that. He seemed real nice. He's quite handsome, too. It would be awesome if he'd either donate a little and/or spread the word about my site. I hope he finds it intriguing. I pray that he remembers what it's like to struggle, and that he might want to help someone struggling behind him. Heck, I pray he just looks at the site...he might have promptly thrown the card in the trash!

I have to do what I can. I cannot know shame. This is my dream, and I will fight for it!

I'm bummin' a little. Amber has made some AWESOME, cool, hip designs. Even my friend, Don, made a design, a take-off of the SNL cowbell joke. Great stuff...but no one is buying anything. Again, it's not like I get much from the sales. Some things are only marked up $0.50, the most is $3...but it's the walking publicity I want so badly. And this stuff is really cute/cool. There's even stuff for guys...stuff for "Hot Topic" types, & more to come. No one is buying. I need to get the word out. When I get back from my trip to Alabama, Team Cassie is going to have to go into serious publicity overdrive.

Happy New Year!

I am really looking forward to this year, 2007! I really feel like this site will eventually take off, once word gets out. I can't wait to take acting and singing lessons again, dance classes, trapeze class, etc. I am so looking forward to expanding my training!

I definitely need to figure out ways to publicize the site and the store more. Amber has come up with these amazing designs, and the clothes and stuff look soooo cool, but no one is buying anything. I had 2 friends buy stuff, one man whose name I didn't recognize (thank you sir!), and the rest of the sales have been me. The clothes look so cool, we just need traffic going to the store. I need a radio or TV station doing a story, a newspaper, all of the above. Anyone reading this, please help out where you can, word of mouth is powerful! There's a $10 shirt on my Cafe Press site, buy it, wear it proudly, make people ask about the site! You now have at least 4 different choices of designs! Heck, buy a $2 Cassie button, wear that on everything!

My fund doesn't make much profit from the sales of the Cafe Press items, but it's the fact that people would be walking around publicizing the site on their shirts, hats, bumper stickers, etc. That's what I need, in this beginning stage.