No news

Still no donations. Still sick. Can't get rid of this cough, & it's wrecking my vocal cords. Want to be healthy, want to be happy. Looking for a new job, no clue what it will be....

No good news

No donations.

I'm very sick, in bed. Missing work all week, which I cannot afford to do. But I have laryngitis, & I cannot sing/talk at work with no voice! I don't have a choice but to miss work. If I drove all the way down there, they'd just send me home, & then I'd be bitter over the wasted drive. My show opens Saturday night, I have rehearsals tonight & Thursday, & no damn voice. This is ridiculous. What's with this timing? And I'm getting sick WAY too often. I've been eating better, taking vitamins, & I exercise every day. I get plenty of sleep. I don't understand. I think the depression my seizure meds have caused has depleted my immune system, which was never spectacular to start.

Still planning a move to Nashville.

Old video

Here's me singing in a talent show. This is a few years ago, when I had long blonde hair & a better body. :-)

http://youtube.com/watch?v=wmsN4FK4rF0

No donations today, Sunday April 7th.

No donations today. This is what I'm going to start posting every day. It's been mentioned that I don't update enough, & I know I don't, but when I'm not getting any donations....therefore, not taking any classes, etc.....there's really nothing to say, right? I can't remember the last donation I had for this site. No one donates.

I'm probably going to be leaving California. I can't afford the dream anymore.

Down

Times are bad.

I have no money. Due to some errors with my bank account, I'm almost negative $500. I have $2000 in bills due NOW...actually, yesterday. Rent, car insurance, car payment, electricity, cellphone, etc. To say I have no money for food nor to put gas in my car is an understatement. I'm lucky I have a semi-fresh loaf of bread here & peanut butter & jelly. I can live on that for a while.

I don't understand what's going on--or NOT going on--with this site. My webmaster tells me I'm getting close to 2000 visitors to my site a month. 2000! If 2000 people agreed to donate $1 a month--just one freakin' dollar each, even *I* can afford $1 a month to help someone--that would be a huge help. My job isn't cutting it, & I am sometimes working 6-7 days a week. Everyone helpfully suggests I get a second job, and I have picked up applications, but I really can't. My neuro docs have told me that with less than 8 hours of sleep a night, I can have a seizure. All this seizure crap has me totally paranoid, & I'm a terrible worrywart to begin with. From dancing for 34 years, I have a bad knee, a bad ankle, & a HORRIBLY painful hip. I can't dance all day & then go to some sort of crummy night job where I have to stand all night. I'd never survive. And most importantly, when would I sleep? I know, aside from seizures, that my health in general doesn't do well with lack of sleep. I've never had a strong immune system.

And boy, my stress level isn't helping at all.

I have to survive this struggle for 7+ more months. My best friend is moving in in June. I'm not thrilled at the aspect of having someone around all the time, but if it's got to be anyone, it needs to be her. And I need the rent cut in half. And utilities. Somewhere around that same time, I might be done paying off my car.....my car that needs $1200 in repairs to function & has to last me indefinitely. That would be a MASSIVE burden off my monthly shoulders. $350/mo. It's killing me. It didn't get paid yet this month. Yep, they could take it. And then I'm really screwed. I cannot work without a car, & I certainly wouldn't be able to go on all those auditions that I am SURE I will eventually get. Not to mention how much damn money I have put into that car just to lose it. Despite needing the repairs, it's the best car I've ever had. Beat up & battered, but great. It took 113K miles to need such repairs. That's impressive.

I need money to continue pursuing this dream. No, not money to spend frivilously. To SURVIVE. Right now, I would consider money going to rent, cellphone, car, and gas career necessities. I'm not going to get cast in anything if I'm homeless. Can't work at all without a car. I need money to get new headshots made, since I've changed my hair. My friend Mark will take them for free, but I still have to have them printed up AND pay postage to submit them to agents & casting directors. I'm not going to get any further in this field without an agent. I've got a great smile, I could be doing toothpaste commercials right now! There's so many things I *could* be doing right now. I'm not a beauty, but I'm not too shabby. I'm not Meryl Streep, but I'm not too shabby. I CAN MAKE IT!

Why doesn't anyone believe in me? Why doesn't anyone want to help me?

People gave $20K+ to that lady to pay off her frivilous credit card bills. Basically, they bought her a new wardrobe & CDs, etc.

I'm asking for people to help me achieve a lifelong dream. To be part of a dream coming true. To know they helped someone out who was severely struggling. Yes, I understand there are better causes than me. Heck, maybe people are viewing my site, then going to my links page, & donating to cancer or seizure research or to help animals. That would be great. But would $1 a month harm most people's pocketbook?

Forget money, why aren't agents, casting directors, people with connections in the business helping me? There have to be such people reading this site or hearing about it. Throw a sista a bone, call me in for a reading, sign me, etc. Agree to train me! Help me out!

What I find most depressing is what people will do to help in other ways, other causes.

People will spend hundreds, thousands on porn. People will pay $30/mo or more to join porn/camgirl sites. $30/mo to watch a girl naked. People will donate money to buy strangers a stripper pole. Really sweet sentiment, no denying that. But I'm pursuing a dream here! Granted, you won't get to see my naked, won't get to see my writhe on a stripper pole, won't get to see me having sex, but come on......is someone's worthy dream not a good cause, too? If you can afford to spend $30/mo on porn, you can afford to donate $1/mo to this site. If I put up a site where I had cams installed around my house, got naked on camera, showered on cam, etc....I could raise more money than THIS site which is trying for something legit. I don't get people. I don't get their priorities. It's more important to see a strange girl naked than to help a strange girl reach a dream and MAYBE do some good in the world? I'm going to make the world better!

You'll never see me in a rehab. I don't do drugs nor drink, & never will. Fame/fortune won't ever change that. The charities I will be able to help with success....not just with monetary donations, but by putting a famous face to the cause.

But no one wants to help me because I'm not taking off my clothes on this site. Because they don't "get anything" out of helping me. I don't "get anything" out of donating to the Humane Society, but I donate anyway, because it makes me feel good to help. I'm not directly getting anything out of donating to MS or seizure research, but I do what I can to help, anyway. Aren't there any people out there like me, who do things for nothing, just because it feels good to help?

If you aren't sure where the money is going, if you question this site, then go buy one of my t-shirts & publicize the site. Do SOMETHING to help me.

I'm losing hope. Quickly. And I'm about to lose electricity, my car, my home, etc.

Eternal gratitude to any of those who HAVE donated, EVERYTHING helps. I have yet to spend anything donated, but once I get new pics taken, I might use some money donated to get the new headshots printed up. I also, truly, appreciate those who cannot afford to donate, but who write in support. It means a lot to me to hear from any of you.

Donation!

I'm so stoked right now! I'm beside myself!

I got my first real donation today! Not to diminish any of the donations I've gotten--cause ALL are appreciated--but by "real;" I mean from someone I don't know. You kinda expect or hope that your friends will donate, but when a stranger does, it just touches your heart. I'm gonna be in trouble if I end up knowing the guy, but I don't recognize the name. $100 from a generous soul named Todd! I can't believe it! That's enough money to pay to have new headshots printed up! I'm stunned! I was a good girl, too, & immediately put the money in my "sharing a dream" fund, even though I am behind on tons of bills & could have used it for bills....but I didn't. I put it in the fund it was meant for. I'm not known for my wisdom with money, so yeah, that's actually a big deal for me. But I want this site to work! I want strangers to help me reach my dream! I KNOW it's possible! I know that with the help of strangers, I can finally make it! I hope this is the first of many donations, & that this site is finally going to take off!

Thank you Mr. Wonderful, Todd! I truly, truly appreciate your very generous donation! :-D

Frustration!

I haven't updated in a while.

I haven't had anything to report.

To date, I have gotten donations of about $30, not enough to even get headshots printed up.

A couple of days ago, I had a guy email me just to say, "Sounds like just another scam to me." What is the scam, dude? You give me money, I buy new clothes? I have pictures of me from movies, I have an article from a magazine I was in (about a movie I am in), and you can look me up on google or imdb.com. It's blatantly obvious, unless you are an idiot, that I am a real person with a very real dream, struggling just like everyone else in this crazy world.

I had such hopes for this site. I am very surprised that so many people stop by & look at this site, & almost no one donates. Not even one friggin dollar. And then I think back to that lady who got complete strangers to donate like $20,000 for her credit card debt....and no one will donate one friggin' dollar to help someone achieve a dream...someone who plans to do good things in the world.

It's really frustrating.

"Georgia Rule" came & left. I don't think I remained in the film. I think that's lame--while understanding the business--because I was in the magazine as a character in the film, & then was cut out of the film....and it cut all of, what, 10 seconds off the movie? Lame. PLUS, the director's adorable granddaughter was in the scene with me. Now, I admit, I don't know for sure that I ended up on the cutting room floor, but a friend went to see it, was looking for me, had seen pics, & didn't see me. I was also, not gonna lie, extremely disappointed that my name wasn't put in the credits. I saw people who had smaller roles than me (if that's possible) in the credits. There was like, "woman on crutches." But no "Potato Queen." Very disappointing. Especially considering that my lines were ALSO cut out of "PD1," & yet my name remained in the credits. I guess if I was cut out completely it makes more sense.

Don't mind me, I'm just bitter. I'm grateful for the one day role I had. I had fun that day, & it was so cool being a beauty queen, since I am not exactly a beauty queen! Every girl likes to wear a tiara. I'm most grateful for the money I made that day. I was painfull struggling at the time, so it was a great relief.

I just wish this career would move forward. I need new headshots...which I actually had taken, but can't spare the money to print them up. I can't afford classes. I can't afford jack poop.

I just remain stunned & saddened that people will help a woman pay off her credit card debt from buying frivilous things, & no one will donate to someone struggling to achieve a dream & bring positive things to the world. It doesn't make sense in my head.

But then, I've always been different. *shrug*